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| Wednesday, August 5th, 2009 | | 10:41 pm |
hmm
is it bad than instead of being excited for them, i am just pissed off about the whole thing and want it to be over as soon as possible. its not fair. i hate this. i hate them for having it so easy. why is it all so unfair. why do they get to be so happy, when i have to struggle just to be. | | Monday, December 8th, 2008 | | 7:18 pm |
i never updated about my puppy
i just realized the last thing i put in here was that i was getting a puppy. well i did, and he grew really fast! meet ZELLER:     I got him on April 29th, he weighed 6 and a half pounds. He is now currently 8 and a half months old, and weighs 70lbs. | | Friday, March 21st, 2008 | | 9:14 am |
Dont ask me
Dont ask me to fit into some box, because there are none that i fit into. Dont ask me to change who I am, because i have spent to long figuring it out to make changes now. Dont ask me not to get angry when its the only emotion i feel. Dont ask me to pretend to be happy, I dont care enough to put on the show. Dont ask me not to defend myself, Its the only thing i know how to do. Dont ask me to let down my guard, its the only thing that makes me feel safe. Dont ask me to trust, I am unable. Dont ask me to conform, i hate the concept. Dont ask me to let you into my head, its a scary place no one belongs there. Dont ask me to give you control, its the only thing that makes me feel centered. Dont ask me to like someone i dont, it will just cause me to hate them more. Dont ask me to accept your apology, tell me why you feel sorry. Dont ask me to mute my feelings for you benefit, I can not control how i feel. Dont ask me for another chance, if your having to ask for one, you have had too many. Dont ask me why i am quiet, just let me be that way. Dont ask me to be something i am not, I dont care who you are i wont change for ANYONE! Current Mood:  lonely | | Thursday, February 14th, 2008 | | 8:31 am |
Taekwondo
i now take taekwondo 3 days a week. its crazy hard, but fun. I am quite sore. | | Friday, February 8th, 2008 | | 3:27 pm |
| | Sunday, January 20th, 2008 | | 5:00 pm |
OUCH
I went skiing yesterday. sooooo much harder than i thought it would be. I fell alot. but i made it down the intermediate slope. so thats good i guess. aside from my bum and arms being really sore today, it was awesome. I shall conquer this sport. i willl be amazing. | | Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 | | 11:42 am |
2008 HERE I COME!
Well 2008 has started out as a "chelsea get your crap together" year. and i think i will keep that as my theme for the year. so far in 2008 i have: -applyed at uic to get back into school. -Finially decited what i want to do for the rest of my life. -Started therapy again. -Dectied t stop trying to persue friendships with people who continually blow me off, and ignore me -Decited i need to get in better touch with my friends who are really here for me hopefully i will be moving back to chicago in april/may, and starting school in aug. | | Thursday, November 22nd, 2007 | | 11:19 pm |
longing
i wish i could meet some one with simular life expierences as me, who would sit down and tell me that they think the same thoughts i do, so i wouldnt feel like i am crazy. | | Thursday, November 15th, 2007 | | 3:54 pm |
| | Wednesday, July 25th, 2007 | | 4:06 pm |
update
Life: I am still alive and thanks to sarahs new job at a hospital i have full health insurance including vision and dental. Which is amazing, not only because it rocks but because in Mass. it is illegal not to have health insurance. I am not sure if that law is for the good of the people or rather the good of the pockets of insurance ceo's. Love: Me and sarah have now been together for a 2 1/2 years. its kinda insane, it feels like forever, and no time at all, both at the same time. House: We live in Cambridge. The neighborhood is beautiful, as beautiful as a city could be. There are trees out my bedroom window and flowers and grass ect. The house is awesome, three floors all to our selves (and the dog who thourally enjoys running up and down the stairs as fast as possable) However our neighbors suck ass and i want to kill them all. Car: The car i bought a couple monts ago is alright i guess, however i have decited that SUV's are not my style and am going to go back to driving a little fast car. i have an appointment tonight to look at a vw rabbit. i test drove one yesterday and it was amazing. so i think i am gonna buy one, the only thing i am having a hard time deciding if if i should keep the saturn for sarah to drive (since its paid off and she needs a car) or if i should trade it in for a better montly payment. i am also conseidering a lease but i dont know anything about them yet. Work: I work 65+ hours a week, and its killing me, however if i can find any other way to make the shit load of money i am making without having to go to school for 6+ years , i will quit right away and dance all the way home. Untill then a job is a job no matter how much you dont want to leave your house in the morning. Dog: Tank (sarahs dog) loves the house. she has been going to all day doggy daycare the last couple weeks and she loves it. i hate that it cost money, but every night she comes home happy as can be, and than waits by the door every morning wagging her tail untill they get there to pick her up. so how can you say no to that. Music: I am very musicially unsatisifyed. it has been months since i have found a single cd i found good enough to listen to more than 2 or 3 songs. If you have any suggestions i would be very greatful. Best news ever: my mom is comming to visit in 3 days. I havnt seen her in months so i am pretty damn excited. Worst news ever: my grandpa had a bunch of mini strokes yesterday, but they couldnt find anything major. Current Mood:  ready to leave work alreadyCurrent Music: NOTHING!!! | | Monday, July 2nd, 2007 | | 8:08 am |
love
I want to be with someone who cant keep their hands off of me. | | Thursday, May 24th, 2007 | | 9:23 pm |
too much work
I am currently at work. Its 9:30pm at night. i have been here since 7am. this is not the longest day i have worked since i got here. i have been working a min of 12hr a day. and have only had one weekend compleatly free. thats right i have been working a 60hr work week, and weekends on top of it. i also have to work this sunday as well. i am so tired i am practicially falling asleep everywhere i go. all i want is time off. i am getting depressed. my fiends are currently at my house making pinacolattas and hanging out while i am here working. always working. i am tired. i havnt gotten to unpack anything. sarah has unpacked almost everything for me. the house doesnt feel like its myne cuz i dont spend any time there. the people here are mean. like seariously horribially mean. i dont want to be here. i dont like it here. i dont have any time off to do anything fun to make me feel any better about this place. i am tired. i want to cry. and by the time i get to leave this place it will be so late that i wont even get to have a drink(my favorite kind) with my friends, and the love of my life who i feel like i dont even know any more because i feel like i havnt seen in week. life sucks. | | Monday, May 14th, 2007 | | 7:49 am |
I took out some aggression.
so i found out when my stuff came that there was no way my brand new couch (havnt even sat on it yet) wouldnt fit through the door to the living room. so it sat in my entry way blocking my front door for 3 days, untill saturday when i took matters into my own hands. i fit my couch into my living room, and all i had to do was tear down a wall. thats right i tore down the wall next to the doorway, and made the doorway twice as big. the couch fit through perfectly. now i just have to fix the wall. | | Wednesday, March 21st, 2007 | | 4:40 pm |
NEW CAR
This is my new car. I AM IN LOVE WITH IT. just thought i would share  | | Wednesday, February 21st, 2007 | | 4:54 pm |
truth
some times i like life, most of the time i feel alone, scared, tired, abused, used, taken advantage of, useless, and annoyed. all of the time i feel invisable, ignored, and unimportant. | | Saturday, February 17th, 2007 | | 5:20 pm |
longing
oh red mountians in the distance. how i long to climb you. alass i must be contented with simply taking your picture. I will come back and climb you one sweet day. | | Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007 | | 3:51 pm |
3 problems, any solutions?
ok so lately i have been having 3 problems. i need some solutions please help me. problem 1. i havnt been sleeping at night. my body naturally wants to be awake all night, and no matter how hard i try i can not make my self go to sleep before 1 or 2. i have to be up for work by 6, and i am so exausted from not getting any sleep. when i try to go to be early i get up at least once an hour. i dont want to take sleeping pills. i dont drink caffeen at all. i dont know why i cant sleep. problem 2. no matter how many layers of clothes i wear, i am constantly cold. i work in a house that is kept at 71 degreese, and i wear to work: 2 pairs of socks, long underwear, jeans, a wife beater, a short sleve t-shirt, a long sleve t-shirt, and a hoodie. even with all this on, i still freeze my ass off all day long. its horriable. problem 3. i pulled a mustle in my back/ neck while working out last night. now i camt lean my head, neck or back backwards. i cant even rest my head on anything since it would have to lean backwards to do this. i took adville and tryed a heating pad. nothing has helped so far any ideas?????? | | Sunday, January 21st, 2007 | | 12:51 am |
Haircut
got a new hair cut, what do ya think??????  | | Sunday, November 26th, 2006 | | 7:51 pm |
today
today we decorated for christmas. this is half of it.  | | Sunday, November 5th, 2006 | | 8:16 pm |
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